Archive | April 2017

My thoughts on pursuing (quitting) your calling 

Quitting your calling….


(My thoughts)


I used to be a youth pastor who was really involved in activating 10 yr olds and up. I took teams of youth and traveled with worship and intecressory teams motivating and training churches in how worship and intercession worked together to move mountains and change the temperature of a generation (yeah about that).

I was a motivator giving a yu rah rah to change the world… 

I spoke of calling an destiny, throw in a little hootzpah! Add a plan and create desire call forth Joel’s Army and the Esthter’s call forh a Nazarite or two bring on emotions, puberty, zeal and guilt. 

Cast a vision cteate a false future narrative and name it “your calling “.


I now look at it and I may have been talking in order to sound like a voice rather than being a voice. I did not get it.  

I used to think I had to do to BE, and to fall short was a disgrace and to have a God who was disappointed in  my failure.

Have you ever watched one of those #fail compilation videos on YouTube?  More than likely you have, there are plethora of them put there. Have you ever watched a #success compilation on YouTube?  Yeah me neither.  I don’t know if they exist. 

I know that setting goals is important  but what should those spiritual goals look like?


I’m going with Isaiah 58:6-7

…To loose the bonds of wickedness,

To undo the heavy burdens,

To let the oppressed go free,

And that you break every yoke?

Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,

And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;

When you see the naked, that you cover him…


I’m  ok not having a pulpit ministry, I’m ok with not having a title follow, I’m ok without the praise of people. Anonymity is my friend it’s  my calling to be in the shadows helping, feeding, upliftig, being there one on one.


My calling is not preacher, teacher, prophet, elder…..


It is to be human and an integral part of that humanity..

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My apologies…

Had the opportunity yesterday  to work with a client. Was getting her an insurance quote.  She  looked as if she were possibly lesbian (looking at the stereotypes). I knew she had two teenagers and as we were talking i found out the kids were adopted young, she and her partner have been together 23 years,  and even though they share the last name are not married. I did pick on her about fear of commitment at that point.  We talked about adoption,  I have 11 adopted bro & sis in laws.

She had come in a little after 5:00 so our office actually closed and it was a Friday night so everybody had left early. 

That left the two of us alone and as we were working and talking I just felt that I just had to say sorry,  I apologized for what Christians have done to the LGBT community and she actually got a little bit emotional when I did that.I  did to. I explained I had been in the ministry. I was a youth pastor and was one who was in the category of love the sinner hate the sin. To me now, that  is a messed up that mentality is. I had a chance to really connect and I probably spent way longer than I normally would with a client. It seemed like it meant a lot to her but the more I think about it, it meant a lot to me just being able to open up and apologize for the crap in my past. 

To be able to love someone for just them being them, not about their actions, character, abilities, sensibilities, religion, sexualitu, excetera that’s where I want to go.

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